Don’t Hate, Appreciate!
Abby: I didn't really get to journal.
So
Fallon: that's okay.
I know you like to do that beforehand.
I never do, but I know that
you're really good about it.
Abby: I sometimes am if I know
what we're going to talk about.
Fallon: Yeah, sorry.
I, I got talks on Saturday and she gets
talks right here because she puts it
here and here because it lifts my nose.
I know it's so weird, but I love it
Abby: Yeah.
Fallon: because like we have this
thing on my dad's side of the
family, like the older you get,
the, like the more your nose drops.
And I'm just like, listen, I
don't need the tip of my nose
to be to my chin in 20 years.
Abby: It's like the other episode where
we started out talking about my grace and
I'm like, I'm not available for the grace.
You're not available
for the drooping nose.
Fallon: No, but I always
Abby: ever.
Fallon: Never.
I always forget that when it kicks in, so
I start to put, I'm like, what is that?
What's wrong with my Lip so that's why I
was like, drinking and going like that.
Because it's just like, that little
part gets numb, you know, you
know, and toxic sand and everything
Abby: you start, so when you start
drinking out of your water bottle,
does your mouth like not, does it
Fallon: No, because it's not.
No, because I don't.
Yeah, because I don't do the flip,
but everybody that does the, like,
the, I don't do that much stuff.
Everybody that does the flip, but they're
like, they can't drink out of anything.
Like, I remember going to lunch with, um.
I won't say her name in
case we keep this in here.
But she was like trying to drink out of a
straw and she's like, I can't, I can't get
any liquids because I can't move my mouth.
I was like, man, that's
a, that's a good thing.
You're single.
That's a problem.
Abby: the problem.
Fallon: Yeah.
No, mine doesn't do that.
It's just this little area right there.
Um, I guess, I don't know.
There's some science behind
it that like, and it works.
Like I take pictures, progress pictures.
So yeah, anyways,
Abby: That's interesting.
I'd like to see those.
Fallon: I'll send you some,
I'll have to find some old ones.
I should take some now,
make some updated ones.
Abby: I just saw a really pretty
butterfly going out, going around outside.
Fallon: Oh, I have so many desserts.
Abby: Lizards?
Fallon: yeah, which, you know,
I can't remember what they
mean, but I mean, we have a ton.
I've never had this many.
Abby: Yeah, in like Florida, that's
the only place I ever see them.
The little like geckos, the small ones.
Fallon: Yeah, I've seen them a ton at
like my front, like other people's houses.
Um, but never this many at mine.
I mean, they're all over.
I don't know.
Abby: I'm laughing because I can hear
Jameson like, like, like in the shower.
I'm like, hopefully no one can hear that.
Fallon: No, I can't hear it.
Good background noise.
Let me just serenade you.
Let's serenade the listeners
with Jameson shower noises.
Abby: Yes.
Fallon: Um,
Abby: start.
Fallon: so I don't know,
appreciating people and shit.
Like, we,
Abby: noises, talking about our loved
ones and appreciating them fully,
well, this all started when Fallon
and I were talking in Signal the other
day about, I mean, basically just how
we can be appreciating people more
and really like, it's so easy to.
It's so easy to just notice all of
the annoying stuff that people around
us do, instead of, you know, really
highlighting and voicing the things
that we notice that they do that are
really great and amazing, you know, it's
like that stuff just, you see it and
you're just like, oh, that was nice.
And you just say that to
yourself in your own head.
And then you don't actually
say it to the person.
Fallon: yeah.
And I think that we see this probably more
in long term relationships than anything.
it's like, as friends, you know,
we can be long term friendships
and we still like, celebrate each
other and, you know, all of that.
But I think it's like, really those
long term relationships or even
potentially relationships with,
like, your parents, you know, like.
That we, we forget to look
at the things they do do and.
And, uh, instead focus on all the,
like you said, the, the annoying
or the things that they don't
do or how they don't show up.
But it's like, okay, but
how are they showing up?
That was something that with my
clients, I'm like, but can you look at.
Like, women who are frustrated with
their husbands for whatever reason, not
providing the way they want, but I'm
like, but they're providing something.
Even if it's not what you
want, it's still feedback.
There's provision somewhere.
You know, there's and if you're in
the dating world, the provision can
often be they're providing you with
showing you what you don't want.
It's still a provision, even if
it's even if it's not what you
want, but it's still something good.
But, but more in, like, the long term
relationships, I just got off of a client
call and he was saying just how he's
able to look at his wife differently.
And he appreciates her tenacity
in a different way than he used
to and all of these things.
And it's funny cause I
work with the wife as well.
And she was also telling me in
the last few weeks, like, I just
realized there's so much that I
wouldn't be able to do without him.
Like I wouldn't be able to have what I
have and have this incredible business.
If he wasn't at home doing everything
he does for the house and the kids and
the pets and the, and then he runs all
my errands for me for the business.
And then he comes and helps me on the
building and, and it's like, Oh gosh.
And we forget because we're so focused on.
What am I not getting from you?
We're getting actually a lot from
each other and we're all serving and
loving in our own language, which,
Abby: Right.
Fallon: you know, is a
different language than you.
Abby: Well, that was the thing I was just
going to say that I was thinking about
as you were saying that, that it's also
knowing how you like to receive things,
you know, how you like to receive love,
like the five love languages as, you know,
probably every, most of the listeners on
here have read or heard about, or, you
know, you know what your love languages
are because mine are, you know, my husband
really likes acts of service and like,
he likes people doing acts of service.
He likes to do acts of service.
And he doesn't care about, like,
words or, you know, he wants,
like, you to do something for
him and that really shows it.
And so, like, for a real life example
that happened yesterday was, um,
he was watching the baby while I
was hanging out with my friend.
And When I went to pick up the baby
from him to put him down for a nap,
I was like, Hey, what did you, what
did you, um, feed him for lunch?
And he called me right away.
And he was like, Oh my God, I'm so sorry.
I, I totally spaced, I made
him an eight ounce bottle, but
I didn't feed him any food.
And
Fallon: At least he was honest.
Abby: no, he was that he
was very, very apologetic.
But, um, and I think normally, cause I.
I can be better about appreciating the
little, the little things that he does
and the big things, but, um, I would
be frustrated by that, but then I, as
he called me, I'm looking around the
place that we're staying here in Venice.
And I noticed that, like, the dishes
are done, and he cleaned the bottles,
and, like, he hung out, he was doing the
laundry, and, like, hung on the laundry
to dry, and all these things, and it's
like, I guess it's okay that you forgot
to feed him lunch, because there are,
there are, there are other things that
we're doing here, so it's all right, you
know, but also then going a step further
and appreciating, like, Yeah, it's okay.
And I appreciate that you did all of
these other things to like, instead
of being like, Oh my God, I can't
believe you didn't think to feed him.
He's probably starving.
You know, he's
Fallon: Yeah.
Abby: not starving.
He's
Fallon: If he wasn't crying and yeah.
Abby: Yeah.
Yeah.
Fallon: Yeah.
I just think we forget the ways in
which people are showing up for us
because it's not the ways in which
we always want or think we need.
Abby: Or it's not the way that
we would have done it for them.
Fallon: Yeah.
And I
Abby: easy to dismiss it.
Fallon: it really is.
And I really feel this so strongly
with the, with the men and the women.
You know, like, I don't know.
I have such a compassion for the
men more now in my life than ever.
I'm like, damn, most of the good men are
actually trying really hard to show up.
And then there's women like me who hold
a lot of trauma a lot and done a lot of
work and done a lot of healing, but I
still have my reservations and I still
have, I still have my stuff, you know?
And.
All the times that I maybe
unconsciously wasn't seeing what a
partner was doing because of that.
And then how can I shift out of that
without compromising my boundaries?
You know, without, without, you know,
not, not just getting walked all over.
Sometimes that's where the trauma
starts, but, but I'm like, okay, well,
they actually are showing up this way.
And even with friends, like sometimes
with friends, if we're and family,
if we're not calling or, or being
as in touch, you know, especially
where you and I are, you know, we're
not close to people all the time.
We're often just kind little
worlds because our friends
and family live all over.
But it's like, what ways
are they still showing up?
And also, are you asking directly
for what you need and want to?
Yeah.
And then being appreciative and, and
like seeing them, like, you know,
there's nothing that feels better
than a person than when you're
seen by somebody, it's just like,
it's the, it's the best feeling.
Like, I just had a client message
me and she's like, Fallon,
she's in my group, the deep end.
And she's like, I just, I
already feel so much better.
And like, thank you for
doing the work that you do.
And thank you for loving so many
people the way that you love them.
You love everybody where they're at.
And I just can't even believe how
excited I am for my life again.
I know I just felt like,
God, I feel so seen.
And it was really beautiful because most
people have reservations of doing that.
I know for me, I've had reservations
of doing that with people.
And I will say probably mostly
with men, because I'm like,
I don't want them to stop.
So if I see them, what they're doing,
Then will they write like these little
shadow frequencies of like, if I
tell him, then will he stop doing it,
Abby: It's interesting you say that
because my, my inclination is if you
recognize the things that they're
doing and they, and you tell them how
happy it makes you, then it just makes
somebody want to keep doing it more.
Fallon: which is the right inclination.
But
Abby: like, really, I
should do this more myself.
Fallon: well, but no, I, but I, because
as I was saying that, I was like, well,
really what, how, what it would do is
like, you would want to do more of it,
but it's like, we do have these little
wounds and things that we hold back
on telling somebody what we appreciate
about them for whatever reason.
Like, just look into that.
I I'm always having.
And I do this myself, my clients look at,
like, what is the underlying energy of
why you are or aren't doing something.
And then, so, in this case, it's
like, why, if you're not telling
the people in your, your world, how
much you appreciate them, maybe why.
Or are you doing it because you
don't feel appreciated, so you're
waiting to feel appreciated before
you give appreciation, you know,
Abby: you're holding back on
you're holding back on giving the
appreciation because it's like a
little subtle punishment that you
don't actually know that you're doing
maybe consciously but you're doing it.
Fallon: Yeah.
Abby: Yeah.
Fallon: Well, that's it, guys.
Just kidding.
Abby: No, I think that was
a really good point, though.
I'm just wondering if you're not
appreciating because you don't feel
appreciated, because I think that
that's something to take a beat and
feel into if that might be true for
you, because I think, too, with women,
especially also men, but I know.
Like, I've heard this from clients too,
when you have a little bit more of that,
um, you know, you kind of take on that
martyr role and you're doing a lot, you
feel like you're doing a lot for other
people and a lot for your family, a lot
for your work, a lot for the kids and
trying to keep all the balls in the air.
And you're just feeling like, why is
nobody noticing everything that I'm doing?
And so you don't want to even
give appreciation for what other
people might be doing for you.
Right.
Right.
Because you're like, well, fuck that I'm
doing way more, you know, and, and it
can get in kind of a dangerous place in
your close, in your close relationships
with people like in your, yeah.
Like you said, in your, you know, long
term partnerships, your marriages,
your friendships, everything.
Fallon: Yeah.
And it's valid, right?
If you are the one that's doing most,
it feels like you're doing most of
the things, it's super valid and
resentment can build and all of that.
But if you don't speak to it, then the
resentment is really going to build
and then it's harder to come back from.
It's hard to come back from once
you've let yourself steepen resentment.
So it's like speak, speak to it because.
An honest conversation, an
open, vulnerable conversation.
They're going to tell you where they feel
like they're doing all the things and
they're not feeling seen or appreciated.
And it's like, Oh, can we actually,
how can we give it to each other then?
And how can I, you know, like,
how can I really see, first
of all, how can I see myself?
Cause that's always a big, when I give
my clients, like you've got a, and myself
and right, our friendship, like we all,
we all remind each other of this, but.
You've got to be able to
give yourself first, what you
most need from somebody else.
And it doesn't, it doesn't negate
that you need it from somebody else.
But what it does do is start to
kind of alleviate the tension
and the pressure of, of like, why
am I not getting it from them?
It's like, okay, well, where are
you not seeing yourself first?
Abby: Yeah.
Fallon: And can that be enough for right
now until you can meet in conversation?
Abby: Yes.
Yes.
And as you were talking, the thing
that just popped into my head too, is.
I think that it can be very easy to
talk about your partner, like all the
things you love about them, you love,
you know, talking about them to other
people, but then you don't realize that
you don't say that to them as much.
Fallon: Yeah.
Abby: And so maybe a fun exercise
is, you know, talking to your partner
and just saying like, here's what I
told, you know, so and so about you.
Yesterday or this week or here, you
know, I feel like I've written some
really sweet posts about Jameson
and how much I love him and how much
I think he's the greatest partner.
But do I often say that to him?
And like so many words, like he'll see
it or I'll like send it to him, you know,
but am I necessarily saying it directly?
Like, yes, every once in a while, but I
could probably be doing it a lot more.
Fallon: Yeah.
Yeah.
It's always interesting to just
watch just the little ways in
which our patterning takes over
and not that it's not a bad thing.
And then how their patterning works.
And.
You gotta learn that from each other
and where he might not, like you said,
if he's not a words guy, then you
might not be as, you know, inclined to
give him words and you try to do more.
But I know for me, I'm a words gal.
Abby: No, like I like words.
I want to hear words.
Fallon: well, and you're a projector.
So you like really need the, like,
Hey, you are amazing and wise.
And this thing you did for
me, like changed my life.
Yeah.
Abby: Right.
Exactly.
So, so when
Fallon: you know, but.
Abby: he does acts of service,
I'm like, well, that was nice, but
like, can you tell me something?
Fallon: Yeah.
Yeah.
Can you tell me he still have this shirt?
Wait, people have probably seen
him, but way back in my twenties,
there was a shirt that was like,
feed me and tell me I'm pretty.
And I just remember like, if that is
not the embodiment of who I am, like,
tell me I'm pretty every single day.
Abby: Yeah.
Fallon: Don't assume that I know it.
You know, it was interesting too.
This comes up because I was
doing human design readings, um,
for a client event on Saturday.
And in the middle of it, I was doing
a group reading of three friends.
Yeah.
And one of them has already, she's
already, yeah, it was so fun.
It was so fun.
And she's, she's already
worked with me before.
And so she brought her
friends and they were in town.
They're having a girl's weekend.
And in the middle of, she just stopped me.
She said, you, you don't need,
I know you don't need to hear
this, but you are so good.
Like you were doing such a good job.
You're so good at this.
Um, and it was interesting cause it
was like, Maybe I don't need to hear
it, but I am not going to reject it.
It was like, say the thing, you
know, that you like, Oh, they
probably don't need to hear this.
It's like the same thing I
think with men potentially.
Well, she knows she's pretty,
she knows it, but I want to
know that you think that I am.
Even though like, sure, I can embody that.
And I need to hold that
confidence in that pole.
My myself, right?
Like I can't lean on you to
film, always fill my cup.
Like I need to do the things that make
me feel the way I want to feel, but
it just felt so good in that moment.
It was so fun.
And it was a little bit like, I'm so used
to kind of being the leader and the guide
all the time that it's like, when I get
those reflections back, I'm always like,
Oh, like, I know how to receive, but
I never quite know what to do with it.
But I will just say, it just
feels really good to be seen.
And so who in your life right
now, could you see me more?
And, and verbalize them
and share that with them.
'cause it really is a gift.
Abby: I love that.
And it reminds me, I was just watching
this friends episode, the one where,
um, Joey is trying to convince Phoebe
that there are no good deeds because
every good deed makes you feel good.
Like there's no selfless good deed.
And so I was going to say that, like,
this is such a really, like such a fun
exercise because It feels so good to
like really love and appreciate people
in real time and see their reaction
and see them receive that from you.
Fallon: mm-Hmm.
Abby: And like the more you can do that,
the more you can sprinkle that into your
everyday life or like once a week, just
like telling somebody in your life how
much you love them or appreciate them or
just notice something little that they're
doing that's made a difference for you.
Or maybe it's made a
difference in their life.
Like one of my friends, Carly,
she always does such a good job.
Sheldon.
She always will send me stuff on,
you know, like a, a message or if she
reads one of my emails or newsletters
or see something I post on Instagram,
she's like, she's like, wow, that
was so like, that was so insightful.
Thank you.
Like, I loved hearing that from you,
or, you know, it's like so nice to
get those little pockets of things
that take two seconds to send to
somebody, but it lands so beautifully
and means so much to people.
Fallon: Yeah.
I agree.
And we love Carly.
She's just amazing.
And she's so good about, she's
so good about seeing, seeing
you, seeing people like, and, and
verbalizing it and sharing it.
Abby: Yes.
Fallon: Yeah, so my friend,
Caitlin, who you also know, uh,
sent me a Venmo this past week.
And I've had a friend, Casey, do that.
I've had a few friends do this.
I'll just get a random
Venmo for like 10 bucks.
And Caitlin was like, I don't know,
go buy tea or coffee or just go
take care of yourself for a minute.
And it was like, even that's a fun
way to see somebody, even if it's not
like, Hey, you're amazing in magic, but
it's just like, I just, I'm thinking
about you, like, go, go do this since
Abby: and I want, I
want to do something for
Fallon: Yeah.
Yeah.
And also because it's like, if we
were together, we'd probably go have
coffee together, but she lives in Utah.
I live in Florida.
So it's kind of a fun little way to
also just give somebody the nod, you
know, like I'm thinking about you.
I'm here.
I know we don't talk a lot, but, or
we can talk every day and still do it.
It doesn't matter.
So,
Abby: Yeah.
So I guess ask yourself how you can
appreciate somebody, add a little,
you know, sprinkle a little, a little
bit more joy and magic and love into
their life today or this week or
this month and see how it makes you
feel and see how it makes them feel.
Fallon: yeah, I love that.
And then also for yourself.
Like, if that doesn't feel available
yet to give it to somebody else, where
can you sit down and really see you?
Like, I am doing this, and I'm so
grateful I get to do this, and I am
a badass at this, and I'm magic here,
and I'm beautiful, and I'm sexy, and
I'm radiant, and whatever, whatever,
you need to find what, what your
body can get on board with, right?
Um, and then from that space, you'll
find it a lot easier to give that
to others as well, or vice versa.
Cause sometimes we can give
it to others a lot easier than
we can give it to ourselves.
So maybe you give it to others first and
let that be inspiration for yourself.
Abby: Yeah.
I mean, tune into your body.
Like you guys know how to do
from listening to us and from
your own intuition of what
would feel really needed.
For you.
Do you want to recognize something
within you today, or do you want
to recognize somebody else that
you love just what comes up?
What would feel really, really good.
What gives you the warm, the warm fuzzies
Fallon: Well, we love you and we see you
and we appreciate you as our listeners
and share this episode or share this
podcast, um, and tag us when you do.
Abby: tag us.
And if, um, tell us what you did, if you
want to, if you want to share who you
reached out to, what you told them, what
you told yourself, we'd love to hear it.
We'd love to celebrate you.
Fallon: Yeah.
And you can even, if you decide to make
a post or a story, like I want to see
so and so or I love so and so, I love
how they do this tag us in that too.
So we can really like, you know, heart
that and give that recognition as
Abby: Love that.
Yay.
Fallon: quick and dirty
Abby: All right, everybody have
a beautiful, beautiful week.
We will talk to you soon.
Fallon: Bye.
